The Couples Institute

 

Very few people actually like conflict. They may like the outcome when they “win” an argument but I don’t think they enjoy the negative effects on their partner.

If you “win” an argument, do you think your partner feels closer to you? More emotionally connected? Better about the trajectory of the relationship?

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Emotional connections. At the core, this is what creates marriages that flourish – emotional connections in the areas of roles, responsibilities, and affection in all its glorious forms. Without emotional connections, you can have a pleasant roommate experience and no more. The depth and breadth of emotional connections is what makes your mate special to you and you to them.

 

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I have a guest columnist today. It's Matt Sargeant, a recent Princeton graduate who played basketball there and is a big fan of John Wooden, the greatest college basketball coach of all time.

Can couples learn about teamwork from John Wooden? He took over an undistinguished, faltering program at UCLA in 1948 and never had a losing season when he retired in 1975. He won 10 national championships in 12 years including 7 in a row.

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When two people work together to improve their relationship, progress can be remarkable. You’ve probably heard of the acronym TEAM, meaning “Together Each Accomplishes More." It is a very powerful guideline for the concept of a good team. And your marriage or relationship is probably the most important team that you’re on.

So TEAM is the concept for improving your relationship today. Here’s the drill. Think of it as a care package for your relationship.

Think of something you could do to make your relationship better or your partner’s life easier. Then do it. Be sure you’ve done it before going to sleep. Do this every day for 30 days. It may be that you avoid doing something like criticizing your partner for not picking up their socks or not putting away their breakfast dishes.

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