by Peter Pearson, Ph.D.
A lot of motivational speakers say we attract what we want. However, the more accurate statement is we attract what we focus on and what we take action on.
So let’s take a deeper, scientific look at the power of focus. Wherever you focus your attention, your brain makes neuronal connections. Create a new objective, and continuing to focus on it creates new circuitry in your brain. It is like creating a new tributary off a main river.
Maintaining a prolonged focus makes the tributary stronger, which can bring new water to parched land.
But it takes ongoing focus to reroute the brain. And it takes mental effort to close the gap between where you are now and where you wish to be. It literally takes energy to create these new circuits or tributaries in the brain.
Anyone in marriage counseling knows how difficult it is to change your ways. And this is a scientific part of why thinking in new ways can be tiring. Literally, it is mentally exhausting to think differently and maintain your new focus. Your brain gets tired at new tasks just like your body gets tired when you exercise muscles that haven’t been developed.
This brings new meaning to “getting outside your comfort zone.”
It is also why you need to focus on what you desire more than on what you don’t want. If you simply say, “I don’t want to be in debt,” it doesn’t give your brain a specific tributary to go to a new place to bring water. It connects back to the same old place. It is the same as saying,” I don’t want to have parched land.” It is not specific enough.
Here is a different look at why it is important to change your focus in your relationship. If you keep ruminating about your partner’s faults and bad habits, you will deepen the brains circuits that focus on your partner’s faults and bad habits. It is like deepening the main river to go places you don’t want it to go. The more negative focus, the more you deepen the river bed and the less likely you will create a new, life giving tributary.
But it will take some effort on your part and that makes your brain tired until you get into better shape. Better shape means better thinking and focusing habits.
Focusing on possibilities and solutions is much more efficient than focusing on problems. Can you think of any examples in your marriage where you could change your focus to a solution instead of thinking about the problem? Click “comments” up at the title of this article to add your suggestion to the blog and then come back in a few days to see what others have written.
So it all starts with focus. Now here comes the commercial.
This February 7&8 I am presenting a workshop for couples that will absolutely make it simpler and easier to change your focus and improve your marriage or relationship. The reason I can say that is because of recent discoveries about how the brain works.
I continue to refine tools and techniques to improve your focus on what you want to create, heal past ordeals, make rapid repairs when conversations go on tilt, talk so your partner wants to listen and listen so they want to talk.
It is a unique workshop format with a 2:1 ratio of couples to therapists. It is not group therapy and all discussions you have with your partner are private. It is an amazing, powerful addition or alternative to marriage counseling. And it is the fastest way to make the greatest change for the least amount of money.
Plus this workshop comes with a money back guarantee. If you think the tools won’t give you the power of better and easier focus to improve your relationship, we’ll give you a complete refund.
For information or to register, click marriage workshop.
