The Couples Institute

Most people don’t like the tension that comes from disagreements, fighting, and loud voices, so they psychologically or emotionally contort how they speak to each other to avoid the tension.

But what happens when this approach is taken too far?

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Here is the distress pattern of most (but not all) couples:

When one person is triggered by feeling rejected
neglected
disrespected
threatened

They respond with
aggression
retaliation
resentful compliance disengagement

Which then triggers their partner to feel
rejected
neglected
disrespected
threatened

Which leads to responding with aggression
retaliation
resentful compliance disengagement

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

 

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We all procrastinate in some place in our lives and generally we are critical of ourselves for doing it. 

Now you can harness the tenacity of the procrastination habit and make your life better at the same time. 

Simply apply it to the habit of worrying. Whenever you start to worry, just say to yourself, "I will worry later when I have some solid evidence that I need to worry. Until then I will postpone my worry and do it later."

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In the last two blogs I described how our daughter Molly slept on the mattress from hell while we were on vacation, without squawking about it at all. 

I then threw out a challenge for all of us to go a week without complaining or whining.

Here's what I discovered. I don't whine a lot but I can still stew, fret or worry. This didn't come as a surprise but it did help clarify the distinction between whining and worry.

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