The Couples Institute

I have a guest columnist today. It's Matt Sargeant, a recent Princeton graduate who played basketball there and is a big fan of John Wooden, the greatest college basketball coach of all time.

Can couples learn about teamwork from John Wooden? He took over an undistinguished, faltering program at UCLA in 1948 and never had a losing season when he retired in 1975. He won 10 national championships in 12 years including 7 in a row.

• Read More...

Here is the distress pattern of most (but not all) couples:

When one person is triggered by feeling rejected
neglected
disrespected
threatened

They respond with
aggression
retaliation
resentful compliance disengagement

Which then triggers their partner to feel
rejected
neglected
disrespected
threatened

Which leads to responding with aggression
retaliation
resentful compliance disengagement

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

 

• Read More...

In my last column, I talked about our daughter Molly’s not complaining about sleeping on the mattress from hell in our vacation condo. I remarked to Molly that she actually doesn’t seem to be much of a complainer at all and inquired how she developed her great attitude.

It is not like she is passive and simply accepts whatever fate deals her at any given moment. She is pretty assertive.

Here is her explanation of why complaining is not much of an option.

• Read More...