The Couples Institute

When two people work together to improve their relationship, progress can be remarkable. You’ve probably heard of the acronym TEAM, meaning “Together Each Accomplishes More." It is a very powerful guideline for the concept of a good team. And your marriage or relationship is probably the most important team that you’re on.

So TEAM is the concept for improving your relationship today. Here’s the drill. Think of it as a care package for your relationship.

Think of something you could do to make your relationship better or your partner’s life easier. Then do it. Be sure you’ve done it before going to sleep. Do this every day for 30 days. It may be that you avoid doing something like criticizing your partner for not picking up their socks or not putting away their breakfast dishes.

It may be expressing gratitude for something they did that you sometimes take for granted, like taking out the trash or doing the dishes after dinner. Or making breakfast for you or the kids. 

I know there are people who ask, “Why should I express my appreciation to my partner for doing something they should do anyway?” 

Basically, when couples cease expressing appreciation or stop thinking about what they could do to make their partner’s life better, the passion and emotional connection has begun to evaporate. If your partner no longer cares whether or not they get appreciations from you, then take this message as a wake up call because you have a serious oil leak in your relationship and you are headed for trouble down the road.

So you can start turning things around today. To prime the pump, here are some things I will do for Ellyn.

• Before interrupting her when she is on the computer I will ask her if this is a good time to describe another brilliant new idea.
• I will initiate making a “to do” list on the weekend before she approaches me. Doing this makes me more of a dependable partner instead of depending on her to initiate the chore activities. It keeps Ellyn from having to mentally remember to talk to me about priority weekend activities.
• I will also initiate “to do” lists for the upcoming holidays.
• I will have all my clutter picked up in the living room every day before she gets up in the morning.
• I will leave her a note in her lunch.
• I will email her a note of appreciation.

If you struggle to think of what to do, use the following formula. Anticipate what your partner needs, desires, or would like for this day. Then act on it. It is simple – but not easy.

You can repeat some things. Or do some familiar things with a creative twist.

Now here is my request. Sometimes it still may be hard to think of something for everyday. So I ask you to post some ideas on this blog to help others and get ideas for yourself. Click the “comment” link and share your suggestions. If you’ve never written on my blog before, you’ll be asked to register first, but it only takes a few seconds and costs nothing.

Together each accomplishes more. Do it for the most important TEAM in your life.

Till next time,

Pete

Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, Founders and Directors of The Couples Institute, have been helping couples resolve issues and create strong, loving relationships since 1984. They have been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News." For information on their convenient, affordable membership program to click here to improve your marriage or relationship.