The Couples Institute

In the last two blogs I described how our daughter Molly slept on the mattress from hell while we were on vacation, without squawking about it at all. 

I then threw out a challenge for all of us to go a week without complaining or whining.

Here's what I discovered. I don't whine a lot but I can still stew, fret or worry. This didn't come as a surprise but it did help clarify the distinction between whining and worry.

Whining = to snivel or complain in a self-pitying way.
Worry = to torment oneself or suffer from disturbing thoughts.

Whining needs an audience, but disturbing thoughts are available 24/7. 

Here's another difference. You have no power to get someone to stop worrying. But you do have some power over how much they whine to you. 

Here's an example. I was indulging in some whining about getting older and finally Molly had had enough. After a few attempts to tell me to put a cork in it, she finally pulled out the heavy artillery. "If you keep complaining about getting older, I won't talk to you for a month. I don't want to be reminded that you are going to die."

So I shut up. I stopped whining about aging and as an unexpected bonus I remarkably slowed down the worrying. Now will my worry be banished? Nope. But it is nice to have a break. 

If no one is around to tell you to stop whining, try being more grateful for what you have. Here are a few quotes if your gratitude needs a little jump start. 

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." Thornton Wilder

"When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them." Chinese Proverb

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." William Arthur Ward

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get." Frank A. Clark

"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted." Aldous Huxley

This week's challenge is to be grateful for something about your partner. And be sure to express it to him or her.

Be a little more grateful this week, express it a little more than usual, and let me hear about the results by commenting below.

Till next time,

Pete

Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, Founders and Directors of The Couples Institute, have been helping couples resolve issues and create strong, loving relationships since 1984. They have been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News." For information on their convenient, affordable membership program to click here to improve your marriage or relationship.