The Couples Institute

In my last column, I talked about our daughter Molly’s not complaining about sleeping on the mattress from hell in our vacation condo. I remarked to Molly that she actually doesn’t seem to be much of a complainer at all and inquired how she developed her great attitude.

It is not like she is passive and simply accepts whatever fate deals her at any given moment. She is pretty assertive.

Here is her explanation of why complaining is not much of an option.

“It started when I was learning vaulting. (Vaulting is gymnastics on a moving horse. It can be done solo, with a partner, or a team of three people on a horse that is walking, trotting or cantering.)

I started vaulting when I was 12. The vaulting coach would put us through strenuous conditioning and we would all howl about how difficult it was. So she’d say, ‘If you’re going to complain, hold the pose for another five seconds.’ And so on and so forth for each complaint.

After several rounds of complaining, resulting in additional exertions (and lots of pain!), we learned that complaining just made things worse. The long term effect on me was to do something constructive. And avoid complaining.”

Molly vaulting. No complaining allowed.

I discovered this interesting slant on character building last month on vacation, when Molly was 23.

I guess we already knew that she didn’t get it from her dad. Sigh!

However, I should probably send a note of appreciation to her vaulting coach for sparing me and Ellyn some normal teenager’s whining and moaning.

What about you? Did you have a good coach or the equivalent? Can you remember what he or she taught you? If not, do you think it is a good time to tone down the griping, whimpering or bellyaching?

Can you imagine the result of a one week complaint free zone? Or how about you AND your partner trying it together?

Are you willing to give this experiment a try? Try five days without complaining. No whining. No grumbling about anything. Find a clever way to express yourself without being grouchy, grumpy or crabby. It would be outstanding if the whole family tried it, great if you and your partner tried it, and even pretty darn good if you tried it solo – if you did it with a good attitude.

A complaint free zone for five days! That's an unusual piece of marriage advice!

I’ll look forward to reading about your experience. Type into the comment box below to share your ideas.

No complaints whatsoever,

Pete

Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, Founders and Directors of The Couples Institute, have been helping couples resolve issues and create strong, loving relationships since 1984. They have been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News." For information on their convenient, affordable membership program to click here to improve your marriage or relationship.