The Couples Institute

Two words to improve your marriage? They worked for this grizzled ol’ communicator.

Yes it is possible – if they are the right words with the right meaning for the listener.

Here’s the story.

Ellyn and I were having one of those “go nowhere” disagreements that are familiar to most couples. In a split second, one person gets triggered which results in triggering the other. A small spark ignites some tinder and then a flash fire is started.

Suddenly and unexpectedly Ellyn said the magic two words. “You’re right.” That’s’ all it took. They not only slowed me down but doused the fire within.  The healing power of those two words was amazing.

In my family of origin I didn’t hear those words very often. And I seldom heard those words in my academic career. In high school I was in the part of the class that makes the upper half possible.

So hearing the words, “You’re right” gets my immediate attention. In fact, in almost any disagreement, all Ellyn has to do is say the magic words and I get calmer. This is true even if I know she is saying it just to get things calmer. Then we can talk with a clearer perspective.

Maybe it’s not words, but actions that get your mate’s attention. Ellyn loves it when I being her a Starbucks decaf latte Saturday and Sunday morning before she gets out of bed. For her it is a little bit of heaven and a nourishing way to begin her day. I don’t mind at all getting it for her because it means so much.

It only took us about 22 years to figure this out. That’s because we’re professionals. Normal people might take a little longer.

If you’d like to move forward faster in your relationship please consider attending my next couples workshop, “Coming From Your Heart.” It takes place this month on April 25-26.  And our generous guarantee makes it risk-free: if you don’t find that the workshop is worth every penny, we’ll refund your money. Click couples workshop to find out more.

So what about you? Do you have magic words that have a significant impact on your partner? Does your partner ever say something that means an enormous amount to you and calms you down so you can truly listen?

Or what about behaviors? Are there things you do to communicate love and affection to your partner? What actions from your mate warm your heart? Share your ideas here on the blog.

And if you don’t have any magic words or actions between you, consider having a discussion with your mate to try to find some. That’s a good place to start.

Till next time,

You’re right!

Pete

Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson, Founders and Directors of The Couples Institute, have been helping couples resolve issues and create strong, loving relationships since 1984. They have been featured on over 50 radio and television programs including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early Morning News." For information on their convenient, affordable membership program to click here to improve your marriage or relationship.