Are you having difficulty with the one you love? Do you struggle over chores, budgets, in-law problems, too little affection, not enough sex, and busy schedules that result in not enough time together?
Marriage is hard work. It is often lonely. You do the best you can, but it still doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped: annoying habits, unnecessary fights, too little appreciation, broken promises, boredom, arguments, lies, and not enough help around the house.
You know the list goes on.
Yet the value of a strong, fulfilling, relationship is undeniable: you get love, companionship, adventure, relaxation, affection, membership, stability, financial security, and better health. For marriages to survive and for long-term relationships to flourish, couples need education, resources and practical information.
You also need one more thing that may surprise you: you need to understand how your brain works!
Understanding why couples become so reactive to each other will put you one step ahead of couples who are at the mercy of a process they don’t understand – and certainly don’t know how to do anything about.
This is real-time demonstration and information that you can’t get in print or self help books. Utilizing this information will help you catapult your relationship into one that is more loving and collaborative.
Dr. Ellyn Bader, Co-Founder & Director of The Couples Institute. Since 1984 we have specialized in helping couples build stronger relationships.
In fact, we “wrote the book” on couples therapy.
Our first book, “In Quest of the Mythical Mate” was published in 1988 before couples therapy was even a recognized specialty.
Our continued publications and innovative practices have a solid following from couples and therapists, and have been showcased both in mainstream media and in graduate school studies.
Close your eyes and picture getting support from the privacy of your own home and the comfort of your own couch. You can listen to us as we talk from our combined 50 years of experience. You’ll get pre-recorded material as well as the opportunity to interact live on occasional conference calls.
You are not deficient if you have conflicts. We know that normal marriages face tough challenges that drive lovers apart unless they learn techniques to create an incredible relationship.
As one participant marveled,
“I now feel we have a great opportunity to create an incredible relationship. I really do not see how a couple could be effective without learning these techniques!”
We have created online resources in a special member’s only area where you can learn strategies to overcome common relationship problems, and where you can interact with us. We really hope you’ll join us in your quest for a happy, satisfying marriage or relationship.
Relationship Advice From People With Solid Credentials.
It’s not unusual to search the internet and find e-books full of relationship advice written by ghostwriters or business people with questionable credentials who have never worked with couples on the nitty-gritty, day-in and day-out problems all couples face. Our degrees are in Psychology, and even more important is the years of hands-on experience we have working with real people and real problems.
Our training is genuine, our information is practical, and our experience is unsurpassed and – our marriage is 30 years long.
You’ll have instant access to a whole collection of print and audio information. If you were going to see a marriage therapist, you’d need time to convince your spouse, choose a therapist and schedule an appointment. But you can listen immediately to programs on a variety of common relationship problems.
For example, in the conference call on “The Emotional Brain,” we discuss why things our partners say can be so painful. And then teach a quick technique to get over it in just a few minutes. And you can listen to it as soon as you sign up.
Communication problems? Check out the communications section, where you’ll find articles and audios that can provide specific ways to start your next difficult discussion. Every couple has challenging issues to discuss. Why not learn from the experts and do it with finesse?
Do your arguments spiral out of control? Do you end up sometimes worse than where you started? Hurt feelings and no constructive solutions? We’ve got specific strategies to help you stop getting into those negative cycles.
Many couples benefit from the intense focus of a professional therapist. But we realize that some situations call for creative, instant help. Some couples can’t afford therapy. Others want to augment their therapy with additional growth.
A Rich, Expansive Library of Information As You Need It, or To Proactively Fuel and Inspire Your Relationship
“Mending Hurt Feelings”
In this session, you will learn an amazing, quick technique that can mend hurt feelings or even break the pattern of arguments that spiral out of control.
“Stopping Downward Spirals”
Do you ever have repetitive fights? Perhaps you wished you’d stopped one of them before it got nasty or critical. Learn to stop it cold and find a way to re-connect. Learn to take action immediately and prevent downward spirals before they damage your relationship.
“Sex as a Second Language: Learning to Speak More Fluently”
Special guest Monica Stone, a certified sex therapist, teaches how to communicate about sex and your most intimate desires.
“The Emotional Brain”
Learn how we are wired to seek love and connection as well as wired for self protection. This biological contradiction creates painful dilemmas for all couples. You will learn strategies for soothing rejection and reconnecting after stressful interactions.
“The Stages of Marriage”
You can listen to this session and learn our philosophy of effective relationships – and why it is important to know yourself. You will also hear one of our members, Loretta, describing the stages of her 19 year relationship with her husband. You will get to hear how they handled the painful loss of his wedding ring and how they maintained a loving connection after their first child was born.
Articles are organized and indexed so you can easily find responses to specific relationship questions.
Here are some of the specific topics that will deliver instant information and answers:
“Dealing with the Passive Aggressive.” So many couples fight over the division of labor at home. You’ll break through the stalemate when you use our tools for negotiation.
“How to Prepare to Discuss Tough Topics.” Talking about in-laws, discipline, or money can challenge even the happiest couple. We’ll teach you how to prepare for tough discussions and how to talk to promote understanding. And how to listen in a way that soothes and prepares for progress.
“4 Tips for Talking about Sex.” Communication skills for better sex.
“Super Negotiation Just for Couples.” Knowing that you have effective skills to negotiate will enable you to find solutions that work for both partners. No longer will there be a winner and a loser.
Plus, you get 30 more articles!
For that price you can’t get private therapy, but you’ll get access to our rich knowledge, a peek into all the expertise we’ve gained in our practice and creative ideas about how to apply methods we’ve found to be successful.
Who Are We?
Dr Peter Pearson
Dr. Pearson is an engaging, dynamic expert in couples therapy and in leading couples workshops. His powerful presentations always include practical skills, advanced techniques in talking about tough topics and entertaining vignettes from his own marriage to demonstrate how challenges can be mastered.
In addition to his work with Ellyn at The Couples Institute Peter was a Consulting Associate Professor at Stanford University in the Department of Counseling Psychology from 1988 – 2002.
Dr. Ellyn Bader
In addition to her busy therapy practice, Ellyn maintains an active schedule training other professionals around the world, at conferences, at The Couples Institute and in an innovative online program. Ellyn is on a mission to improve couples’ relationships, and her influence reaches literally around the world. She spent eight years on the Clinical Faculty at Stanford University School of Medicine and served as the President of the International Transactional Analysis Association.
Since 1984, we have each helped couples create extraordinary relationships. Our textbook, In Quest of the Mythical Mate is used in graduate schools across the United States. Our popular book, Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage, resulted in our being featured nationwide on over 80 radio and television programs including “The Today Show” and “CBS Early Morning News.”
We’d Like to Show You the Way to a Better Marriage or Relationship
This new educational website can’t take the place of couples therapy, but it is remarkably informative and supportive for the price. And the convenience can’t be beat.
“Thank you for your life’s work which has added to our happiness and that of our family’s.”
“As big fans of Ellyn & Pete’s no nonsense approach to helping couples get untroubled we were delighted to find answers to so many of our questions; even questions we hadn’t consciously asked.”
LK & RM, Carmel
“My husband and I have had some intense interactions – and we’ve used the tools to get through them. It’s very exciting. I’ve been able to see things about myself and change some old patterns that have been pivotal for the two of us. He is really a great guy and I don’t think I could really appreciate it before. I’m glad I have a ‘new pair of glasses’!”
“Recently my wife was upset because I placed one of her All Clad sauce pans in the dishwasher. Believe me if I didn’t practice all the things I have learned it would have been traumatizing for both of us.
I was able to contain myself. By asking her what could I say that would help her heal this “ouch,” I was able to respond with love. The result – hugs and kisses. I really love my wife and believe what I have learned has improved my life and my marriage.”
Click the play button to hear Joan in Sacramento
“We’re able to articulate things in a non-blaming way, and we end up connecting over our differences. The power in it amazes me.”
“We discovered deeper understanding leads to change without bitterness.”
“I feel safer, like I have ways to not lose myself and to be present for my partner’s experience and feelings. I feel more relaxed and my heart feels softer. I feel closer to my partner again.”
Denise Lillian, Oakland, CA
“Thank you for the insight into where we were stuck in our relationship and the tools to get out!”
Kay Read, San Ramon, CA
“These tools have helped me empathize with my partner’s process – thank you for showing me a new perspective.”
Julie Kadis, Rocklin, CA
“I appreciate your insight and guidance. I obtained the ability to communicate more effectively with my partner and eliminate obstacles that have been problematic. Thank you. Our relationship has progressed!”
Eric Malberg, Aptos, CA
Click the play button to hear Joan in Sacramento